Sorry, Wrong Number

The most random things happen to me. I am Sarah Burns, and this is my story.

About 7 months ago or so, when I was finally able to start telling people that I was expecting, I sent picture messages to a few of my close friends who moved away. In fact, it was how I told them: via ultrasound image picture message.

To one of my friends, Kelly, I sent it with only the message, "How'd that get in there?" and anxiously awaited her reply. None came. I announced it full-scale on facebook the next day, and she responded almost immediately, saying that she was excited for me. I told her I tried to text her, but I guess it didn't go through. No biggie, right? Two days later, I sent it again, saying "Trying again..." but still got no response. Well, sortof.

The next day, a girl called asking me if I knew Erik. Of course I say! Does he need something? (Erik is my neighbor and fancy camera/production guy, who sometimes, though rarely, needs my help if I'm around.) She explains to me that he won't be able to get back to me for a while. I reply, still thinking she's talking about my neighbor, that if he needs help or if I can do anything, just to let me know and it was fine to call. The girl says, no, he's fine, and he won't be calling. "Um, okay." I say. She asks me how far along I am. I say 8 weeks. She asks me how I know it's Erik's. (Say WHAT??) "OH!" I say, "It isn't Erik's, it's my husband's baby." which in every instance is a weird thing to have to say to someone. Then I ask her who in the world she's talking about. Evidently I sent the messages to her BOYFRIEND's phone, Erik, who is currently in prison in Florida. (Recall, "How did that get in there?") The amazing part? She was totally cool with it. Nice, even. He used to live up north, where Kelly lives, with a phone number one digit apart. Ooops. Now his girlfriend is keeping his phone and returning calls for him while he's away. What a gal! She even responded to me because she was pretty sure I was going to deliver before he got out, and didn't want me to think that he wouldn't live up to his responsibilities. Erik in prison sounds a.o.k., and so does his girlfriend, though she was relieved when I told her I had been trying to send the pic to a friend of mine, NOT trying to announce paternity to her boyfriend. Ah, technology.

So that was a few months ago... This was last night:

Phone rings at 12:02, caller ID says RESTRICTED. Ooo, I think, who calls past midnight? This must be an emergency. I answer. It's a man. He's asking me if this is my number, then he reads me the number he just called, which, lo and behold, IS my number. Funny how that works. I say that it is. He wants to know the name of the man that USUALLY answers this phone. Well, it's my cell phone, so there is not man that usually answers the phone, so I say, "Why are you calling me?" He says that the owner of that phone, which must be a man, keeps calling his wife. Nope, I say, you're mistaken. He asks me if I live with a man, and I tell him it's absolutely none of his business. He tells me that my husband is cheating on me. (Oh, really?) Also he mentions that my husband called his wife from "this number" not an hour ago, so I should check my call history. I didn't explain this part to him, but all I needed to do was remember that Mikeburns fell asleep around 10 and snored happily as I read Cider House Rules until our picture-perfect-marriage-night was rudely interrupted by this guy. I again told him he was mistaken. He starts shouting, yes, shouting, that he has phone bills to prove it, and I need to put my husband on the phone. So I start shouting (pregnancy hormones, right?) that he has the wrong number, that I am getting off the phone now, and that my husband has not called his wife. Also, I'm pretty sure I added, "How dare you call my phone past midnight, blah, blah, blah..." Mikeburns is awake at this point, wondering who I am accosting on the phone. The man declares that he will look again at the phone bills, and call me back if, indeed, it's the number that has been calling his wife. Whatever, I say, and hang up. The phone rings 5 minutes later, guess who? RESTRICTED. So now I'm furious. I answer, and he's all apologetic, very hat-in-hand, and informs me that he had the wrong number. Also, for effect I think, he tells me that my husband isn't cheating on me. I say, "I know" and hang up.

Then I start feeling bad for the guy. Maybe I should have been nicer, I mean, he was clearly having a rough night. Then I recall that I'm 39 weeks pregnant, incapable of sleeping, with a hair-trigger temper, and I quickly forgive myself.