Just so I can remember

I am back at work. It's the end of my first full week. Liza is at daycare at Bob Jones. Yes, you read that right. I'm not totally in sync with their ideas, but I figure they can probably take excellent care of a child. So far, I'm not wrong. She does for them what she did for me: sleep all day. ALL DAY. I think she's been awake a total of 20 minutes these first 11 weeks. She's the easiest baby in daycare, I'm sure.

It got me thinking, though, that I need to remember what our days were like before I went back to work. It's time to document while it's still fresh. Here's how Liza and I spent our days:

Wake at 7:30 or 8:00 for the first feeding. I usually did this in bed, trying to stay awake, with her falling asleep as well. I swear she slept through most of the first-of-the-day feedings. After she was finished, I changed her diaper but left her in her sleep sack for her morning nap. Zzzzz...

Here's where I run around the house, trying to clean the kitchen or doing laundry to make sure we can clothe our child. I neglect my own laundry, leading to interesting wardrobe choices. Also: I play around on the internets, watch the Today show, and then Bonnie Hunt. I become intimately familiar with boring celebrities.

At 11:00, I panic. Should I wake her to feed her? Let her keep on a rockin' in the swing? IS SHE STARVING TO DEATH IN HER SLEEP?? And yes, I had this panicked train of thought every morning. So I wake her up and feed her. Usually she hung out with me after this one. I change her diaper and put her in a onesie. Upon snapping the onsie, I see that she has already wet her diaper. Change diaper AGAIN, and re-snap onesie. One day I did this twice in a row. Commence to the hanging out: and she's always happy--and what's not to love? Wake up to a convenient meal, followed by cuddles and chats with Mommy. She starts getting fussy after about an hour, falls asleep for nap #2. Zzzzz.

Here's when I think a crazy thought: maybe, just maybe, I could nap while she naps! I angle myself to be able to see her from the couch when I open my eyes, and I close mine. I wait. I begin dreaming instantaneously. Cue the noises! Annie barks at neighbor, delivery man comes, Mikeburns comes home for lunch, etc. Liza? Sleeping, well, like a baby. Mommy, up. Again.

At some point, I find an opportunity to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I eat it on the fly, leaving some portion of it to harden in the living room.

I wake Liza at 3 or 4, again convinced I am saving her life. She eats. I change her diaper. Twice. I hold her and try to talk to her. She falls asleep instead, and I put her on my chest and watch Oprah. I turn off Oprah almost instantly, because she's surely talking about someone who was abused or neglected as a baby, and this thought stresses me out. I try to nap with Liza. Kick-kick-kick, squirm-squirm. We are still. I begin dreaming instantaneously. Kick-kick. I'm up. Liza is sleeping. I close my eyes. Dreams. KICK KICK. I'm up. I look at the clock. It's 4:07. I try to transfer Liza to her swing. I am unsuccessful.

Tired but happy to see eyeballs, I interact with my child. I try to make her smile. She does! All of my sleepiness is gone, and I play with Liza for an hour or so. When she gets fussy, I put her in the swing. She has done something incredibly cute, and Mikeburns arrives home from work 5 minutes after she did it. We try to decide what to do for dinner.

As I pick up the living room for the day, I find the rest of my sandwich.

I'm really going to miss this, Liza. I miss it already. I love you.