Apophenia

So, a few years ago, I finished my PhD. Woohoo! It's in Psychology, which is the study of the mind and how it relates to human behavior. I must know a lot about human behavior then, right? Hell, I teach PSY 205: Human Development. I must know a TON about babies, right?? All of my students, at one time or another, reported that I would be a great mother because I knew so much about psychology. I enjoyed this thought like a dip in a hot tub in winter. It was my respite from all the worries that pregnancy can bring. Yes, I would get very little sleep, but hey, I'd know what I was doing. I'd worry about her health, but behaviorally speaking I'd have all the answers. I should, right? HA!

So far, I've learned this: the darker it is, the better my baby will sleep. How long did that take me? Oh, about three months. Of sleeping with our closet light on. Which is kind of like sleeping on the sun. With a restless baby who can't say, "GEEZ, turn off the lights, I'm sleeping here!!"

I've also learned this little tidbit: Liza couldn't care less if she's in our room or not. We made the transition from our room in a bassinet to her room in her crib. Did she care? NOT A BIT. This mom could have used a little crying, whimpering, or SOMETHING. Anything? Nope, not at all. Oh, yeah, she doesn't understand object permanence yet. Maybe I should consult the lecture I just gave about child development... Yes, it says here: Object permanence is the ability to understand that just because something is out of sight doesn't mean it ceases to exist. So she doesn't miss me because she doesn't miss anything, ever. Couldn't she make just ONE exception? For me?

Liza cries for two reasons, and two reasons alone: "How come I'm not eating?!" and "How come I'm not sleeping?!". It's just that easy. Every time she cries, I spring into action, running through a gamut of options that I've read in baby books, but alas, those are the only two reasons.

Liza has been sleeping through the night for about three weeks. Sortof. Occasionally she'll have nights where she keeps waking up all night long. Mike and I keep trying to find some magical combination of variables that will cause her to stay asleep. Does she need a night light? (No!) Is she too cold? Is she too hot? Does she need a noise machine? Does she sleep better in footie pjs or gowns? Bath or no bath before bed? Before 9 or after 9? Guess what the answer is? IT DOESN'T MATTER. Something in this research/empirical/evidence-based mind of mine can't accept that. Some nights she sleeps through, 8 p.m. to 7 a.m., some nights she goes barely an hour between waking spells. That's just the way it is.

Liza takes HUGE naps in her swing. If I don't wake her (which I didn't one day, just to see what would happen) she could go 5 and a half hours for her morning nap. That is some SERIOUS napping. I know that the time is fast approaching that I will have to transition her to nap in her crib. I'm home for fall break, so I decided this morning that there's no time like the present. This morning, I gently laid her down in her crib. She talked to herself for maybe 5 minutes and was OUT. Turns out she doesn't give a rip where she sleeps. Go figure.

It's making me wonder if all my baby-book education mixed with my research brain isn't adding up to make this whole process a lot more complex than it needs to be. Did they even have children before SPSS?

Apophenia is the detection of patterns in piles of meaningless data. And it's ALL. I. DO.