House Rules

1. Whoever gets up first makes the coffee.
2. Do not wake up a sleeping Sarah, she has a plan for her own waking, just trust her.
3. If it is one hour before the Sarah needs to be at school, wake her. She has forgotten to enact the plan.
4. Wake the Sarah at your own risk.
5. The Annie will sleep in, thank you, and will remain with whoever sleeps in the longest.
6. Whoever is leaving for work last must walk the Annie.
7. In addition, whoever is leaving for work last must also mail the Netflix.
8. The person who cooks does not have to clean up after the meal. Oh, wait, this is a fantasy rule.
9. The Mike will do the clothing-laundry.
10. The Sarah will do the linen-laundry.
11. The Annie will lay on any/all laundry left on any available surface.
12. Though the condo will be picked up sporadically, it will only be cleaned if, and only if, company is imminent. Exceptions are Erik, Peter, and Jamie. All others require (1) Windex and (2) Clorox Clean-up Bleach.
13. Everyone who enters the home must not mock the state of the Bay Laurel Tree. It is in a process of recovery.
14. The Sarah shall nap in the afternoon, if possible.
15. The Mike shall call the Sarah 10 minutes into this nap.
16. If no dinner plans have been made by 6 p.m., the family is eating out. Asking about cooking plans after 6 p.m. is strictly prohibited, and punishable by a dirty look and/or sarcastic comment.
17. In the event of a thunderstorm, one must become available to the Annie for comfort and/or physical contact for the duration of the weather event.
18. In the event of a low-battery indication by a smoke detector, one must become available to the Annie for comfort and/or physical contact until the situation is remedied.
19. The Mike shall kill all the flies, bugs, spiders, and other vermin on the premises. The Sarah is in no way responsible for the dispatch, removal, or clean-up of any such vermin.
20. The Mike can leave the home at any time for hunting-related activities.
21. The Sarah can, at any time, revoke the above right for any reason, rational or irrational.
22. Whoever arrives home first from work must walk the Annie.
23. When both parties have arrived home from work, an additional walk is required for the Annie, regardless of the timing of any previous walks. The Annie has forgotten previous walks.
24. If the Annie approaches anyone with a toy, all other activities must cease to interact with the Annie and the toy. This interaction will only last 20-30 seconds, so go with it.
25. The Annie shall make the final determination of who is welcome or unwelcome in the home. All decisions are final.